279.8 — — — Really? Crap.
~
Insight, introspection, and accountability? Maybe.
That was the number on the electronic scale when I foolishly thought to step onto it this morning out of curiosity.
First, I need to start journaling again, daily probably, and living an intentional life, rather than crashing, sleeping, and binging my way through everything, and I mean everything.
Second I have to outline this post before I get to writing it, or it’ll read like a daytime soap, unreal and improbable.
There, done, now let’s flesh out the talking points shall we?
I looked in the mirror this morning, I realized that I have the hair and beard of a Scottish Harlequin novel cover, and the body of a university comp-Sci dropout who plays games and games the social security net for a living.
This needs to change. I am a mess mentally and physically of late, and as much as I goof along with my boys, they deserve a better dad than that. My wife deserves a better husband in her house. And we all deserve a better house, so …
Where to go from here?
I measured myself again just now, twelve hours later, and it reads 278.3 so yeah, weight fluctuates during the day, I am usually a +/- five pounds kinda guy, so no worries there, but still at six foot, bordering 300 is not a good place to be.
Life’s a mess, need to intentionally focus and clean it up, that starts with taking care of myself and paying attention to what goes into my body and mind, and what comes out of it…
Step one:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/DanielOCasey Try to keep it under 2250 kcal. Now this one is tricky. My metabolism (and indeed my whole body-ism) is insanely adaptable, if I only drop the calories to lose weight, then within a week I’ll adapt to only needing that much to maintain rather than losing. Thus there’s a second part to this, which is covered off in the next step.
Step two:
https://www.fitocracy.com/home/
I have to get back to the baselines I was at two years ago, it’s going to be one hell of a long grind to be able to jog 5 km without pausing again. Bench-press of 200lbs, deadlift of 400lbs and squats of about 320lbs were where I dropped off the wagon to take care of my kids and my wife, and forgot entirely about taking care of myself. Now I’m at the nervous breakdown and self-doubt/depression stage of that where I have to do something to take care of me before it all goes toes up on me. I don’t want to be body-builder material, more like a daunting draft-horse build, big, solid and powerful.
While doing this, I need to take care of my own emotional being, so I don’t unload and download on those around me. That means journaling and AL-ANON practice more, as well as carving out ‘me’ time and activities into the day. I need to spend time being dad, not cook, housekeeper, referee etc extraordinaire.
So, Step Three: Writing time, journaling time, and general mental health time…
I do not trust online journaling programs, so that leaves me with hardcopy (pen and paper) or coded files on my laptop here, which is the most likely.
Tying into the spending more time working and playing with my kids, I am going to learn to program, starting with Python, because I have one hell of a big dream game I want to build, not sure how to do that so I start at the beginning.
Finally, I am a licensed CPA in BC (accountant for clarification) and I’m only doing the bare minimums on that, I need to follow up and push that aspect of myself to excel, as that’s how we are going to live and survive for the next little while. But more on that later. Wish me luck. I need to go check out Quora…. I’ve a plan in mind…
Duke.
I am a father of four home-schooled boys and one more who’s already moved on into the wide world of work. I work from home as an accountant CPA, CGA in the wild mountains of western Canada. I am married to an amazing woman who has talents and skills I cannot fathom, and I dream of becoming a competent writer. The next goal is to learn how to publish them with grace and style. If you’d care to follow along with this chaos then by all means, sign up below, and if this post hit one of your remaining nerves, then we’re on the same page, so please recommend it so other’s may find it as well. So, as the Vlog Brothers say, DFTBA.
